The whole point of the blog...Part 2

Here ya go, Michelle. I finally got around to Part 2. :)

OK. We left off at the ridiculously large tank sitting in the hallway. That was where the fun part started.

We had a general plan. We were going to try to create a relaxing atmosphere...we lit some candles, turned on some classical music CD...created some general ambiance. We stood there, observed our romantic scene, and smiled. Then we focused on the task at hand.

Now, we must have some general ground rules for this post. First, you've all gotten the talk about where babies come from, so use that conversation to fill in some of the blanks. While avoiding TMI moments as much as possible, the story is funnier if you know that I was...well...dressed for the occasion. Try not to imagine that in too much detail, please. I'm going to avoid embarrassing myself anymore than that. I think that's sufficient.

So, we have our candlelight, our romantic music. Trust me, although we have tried to set the scene, there is nothing romantic about it. So. I sit down on the bed with the 20 sheets of paperwork that came with the tank, reading the directions out loud. The gist is, you carefully remove the vial from the liquid nitrogen, trying not to freeze your hands off. You set the vial on the counter for 20 minutes to thaw. Then, well, refer to your birds and bees.

So, we walk over and remove the lid to the tank. Imagine opening the door to a really cold freezer, a frosty mist billows out. That's what happened when we opened the lid. So yeah, this stuff is really cold.

The wife reaches for the metal stick that is holding the vial. I scream "Don't do that...that's liquid nitrogen!!". She stops...looking frightened. I guess with the candles and calming music, she wasn't expecting to get yelled at. "Hold on!"...I run out of the room.

I come back into the room wearing my Isotoner leather gloves. Yeah, that's attractive.

I start to reach in to grab the metal stick. At this point, I'm not sure that leather and liquid nitrogen go well together. I stop...[lightbulb]...and I say to the wife "go get the tongs out of the kitchen".


The Wife: "Tongs?"

Me: "Yes, tongs. We need something to grab hold of this stick with."

The Wife: "Our good tongs?"

Me: (exasperated) "Yes, our good tongs. If need be, we can throw them away and get a new set"

The Wife: "But we just got those for the wedding"

Me: (More exasperated) "Don't you think that this is an important enough occasion for the good tongs????"


The wife dutifully leaves the room and comes back with the tongs.

So, we pull the really long stick out of the tank, to finally get a good look at the marinade. Just for reference, I took perspective shots with my deodorant (it was the most convenient thing around that would convey size to all of you).

Here is the tank and my deodorant:

Here is the vial with my deodorant:




I know, holy crap that thing is tiny!!!

So the vial is on the counter, and we are waiting for the timer to go off. See what I mean? Soooo not romantic.

Timer goes off - we go in to inspect the vial. Seems thawed out. So we have the vial, and a needle-less syringe. No people, we didn't actually use a turkey baster. The wife leaves the bathroom, comes back with latex gloves on. Now we truly have a science experiment.


Me: "Are the gloves really necessary? You are only touching a vial and a syringe."

The Wife: "YES!! I don't want to touch that stuff!"

Me: "Uhhh...it has to touch me. You could pretend this isn't so gross. That could be our kid there."

The Wife: "That's different. And its still gross. I'm wearing gloves."



I sigh and the discussion ends.

So, birds and bees, birds and bees, birds and bees.

I'm lying there as you see on the movies, with my legs up in the air (like that'll help...I think we watch too much TV). The wife reaches for the remote control.


Me: "You are not turning on that television!" (I hate TV)

The Wife: "Yes I am, what else are we going to do for a half hour?"

Me: "I don't know...talk...bond...this is supposed to be an important moment!"

The Wife: "Fine. But I was hoping to catch Seinfeld"


There was an evil eye from me, and eye rolling from the wife. Yeah. Romantic.

[Just to keep from getting yelled at by the wife - she wasn't serious about the TV. She just tries to drive me nuts...and is usually quite successful at that endeavor.]

We settled on getting the computer so the wife could show me some picture of what she was thinking about for decorating the nursery. That conversation seemed more apt for the moment than a Seinfeld episode at least.

So, as we all know, tries number 1 and 2 didn't work. But I will always look back at that first try and giggle. That's what memories are made of.

Opposites do attact...

So, I'm reading this book - "Memo to the President Elect: How We Can Restore America's Reputation and Leadership" by Madeleine Albright. Albright was Bill Clinton's Secretary of State, and a former US Ambassador to the UN. Foreign affairs scholar and expert...I'm a big fan.

The wife saw me reading the book yesterday, and in her usual humor asks "who's Maddy Alred?"...my response was "you wouldn't be interested". I know her well.

A few minutes ago, as we were laying in bed in our usual "old married people" way - her watching TV with her wireless headphones on, and me reading my book...she asked how my Alred book was.

Me - "I like it"
The Wife - "What is it about?"
Me - "An analysis of Foreign Policy going into the next administration."

[A momentary pause]

The Wife - "I'd rather have my eyelids nailed to the wall"

Yeah, we are just peas in a pod over here.

At least I know she won't be stealing my books.

Finally! God and Newsweek on our side!!

A great article came out in Newsweek this week - Gay Marriage: Our Mutual Joy: http://www.newsweek.com/id/172653/

I love that someone is coming out in a major magazine and making the logical argument - that the bible really has very little to do with the gay marriage argument. Some of my favorite quotes from the article:

"In the Old Testament, the concept of family is fundamental, but examples
of what social conservatives would call "the traditional family" are scarcely to
be found. Marriage was critical to the passing along of tradition and history,
as well as to maintaining the Jews' precious and fragile monotheism. But as the
Barnard University Bible scholar Alan Segal puts it, the arrangement was between
"one man and as many women as he could pay for." "

"The Bible does condemn gay male sex in a handful of passages. Twice Leviticus
refers to sex between men as "an abomination" (King James version), but these
are throwaway lines in a peculiar text given over to codes for living in the
ancient Jewish world, a text that devotes verse after verse to treatments for
leprosy, cleanliness rituals for menstruating women and the correct way to
sacrifice a goat—or a lamb or a turtle dove. Most of us no longer heed Leviticus
on haircuts or blood sacrifices; our modern understanding of the world has
surpassed its prescriptions. Why would we regard its condemnation of
homosexuality with more seriousness than we regard its advice, which is far
lengthier, on the best price to pay for a slave?"

A really good read. Newsweek is being beat up by the religious nuts for this article - but I don't think God would ever agree to be the stick used to beat people down. If you must argue, argue on your own prejudices, and stop trying to put words in God's mouth. so there!

The whole point of the blog...Part 1

This blog started out as a way to share with all those concerned and curious the strange details of having a child this way. While haven't been successful yet (keep your fingers crossed for us), I want to share the ridiculousness of try #1 with you all. It is too funny to pass up, and I don't want to wait another 3 months because I'm old and I'll forget the details. :)

This post isn't so interesting, but we're covering the basics and the backstory. So...the process is that you order the marinade (the missing ingredient, for any newbies here) from the bank, and they ship it to you in a tank of liquid nitrogen that will keep it safely frozen for 7 days. You figure out your cycle and when you "should" ovulate. So you get the order to be shipped to arrive a day or two before you ovulate. Easy enough, right?

Well, the ordering process was painful - mostly because the bank hadn't gotten all the paperwork from my doctor, and I was in Monreal making really expensive phone calls back and forth to the bank and my doctor. A whole lot of hubub - but the order was placed on time.

So, the tank arrives. 28 lbs. Holy crap, that thing was heavy. It would be another day or two before we saw the precious cargo. That day is a whole different story coming soon.

Here is the tank:

When you open it up, there is basically a little bucket in there that you can lift up to pull the goods out of the liquid nitrogen. The vial is attached to the bottom of a long stick (the stick is circled):

Coming in Part 2...

Getting the vial out of the liquid nitrogen, and trying to infuse some romance into the science laboratory. :-) Stay tuned!

Can I pick my cravings?

I'm not real sure how those pregnancy cravings work. When I do get pregnant, I'm sure I'll tell ya'll. (wow...my grandmother just rolled over in her grave that I not only used the word ya'll...but I put it in writing. She was so hoping some of the yankee would stick with me.)

Anyways, I don't want to crave pickles and mint chocolate chip ice cream at 2am (although having a Teeter practically next door will be good for the wife if that happens). I'm hoping that I crave things like NY style pizza and good bagels. We have two new restaurants here in the neighborhood - one that has great greasy pizza, and the other, which just opened, has really fantastic bagels. They remind me of the bagels I got from the bagel stand in Grand Central Station years ago. Really yummy.

I can't really justify walking up there for a bagel & cream cheese every morning, and for a slice at lunch. But if I'm pregnant, and can call it a craving, I can totally justify it then. Here's hoping the pregnancy thing works out soon!

Happy Friday ya'll!

Things I love about not being pregnant

Well, yes, it is kind of depressing that there isn't yet any good news on the baby front. However, I was thinking this morning that there are definite benefits to having a reprieve from the restrictions of pregnancy. Namely:

1. Some days, like Mondays, I love a second cup of coffee. When pregnant, they say you should only consume 12oz of caffeine a day - that's not even one cup of coffee in my world. I so enjoyed my second cup this morning.


2. Being able to have a glass of wine - and more than one when necessary - with holiday dinners. Nothing brings out the semi-alcoholic in me like a family dinner.


3. Being able to enjoy a beer with a football game. Something about football makes me crave chicken wings and Corona. Football season is coming to a close, but it sure was nice to partake of the beer this last Saturday.


4. Being able to take Nyquil when I’m sick. For the first week of my cold, I wasn’t sure if I was pregnant or not, so I couldn’t take anything but Robitussin (the only cold medicine on my “drugs approved for pregnancy” list). That stuff does nothing for me. I was almost happy to see that “Not Pregnant” as I tossed the stick and reached for the Nyquil.

I love looking on the bright side...makes for a happy day.