The Times, They Are A-changin'

A mom of mine (I have several) sent me a text message last Saturday that said "I hope you are watching Obama's speech on CNN right now". Well, I had to grab the remote from the wife, and turn it on immediately. Obama was making a speech at the HRC dinner (Human Rights Campaign - largest gay & lesbian lobbying group), on the eve of a Gay & Lesbian march on Washington. It was truly moving - at the end of it, I had tears in my eyes. I wanted to share a snippet with all of you:

"My expectation is that when you look back on these years, you will see a time in which we put a stop to discrimination against gays and lesbians -- whether in the office or on the battlefield. You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman. You will see a nation that's valuing and cherishing these families as we build a more perfect union -- a union in which gay Americans are an important part. I am committed to these goals. And my administration will continue fighting to achieve them."

There were so many moving moments in that speech. Overall it was a feeling that I had when it was over. The President of the United States called our relationships as valid as any relationship between a man and a woman. He recognized that we are a family. He expressed a dedication to equality for gays and lesbians. And he understood, and showed support for, the continuing struggles we face. One more really moving piece:

"For the struggle waged by the Human Rights Campaign is about more than any
policy we can enshrine into law. It's about our capacity to love and commit to
one another. It's about whether or not we value as a society that love and
commitment. It's about our common humanity and our willingness to walk in
someone else's shoes: to imagine losing a job not because of your performance at
work but because of your relationship at home; to imagine worrying about a
spouse in the hospital, with the added fear that you'll have to produce a legal
document just to comfort the person you love -- to imagine the
pain of losing a partner of decades and then discovering that the law treats you
like a stranger."

Maybe, just maybe, this world is getting better.

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/11/obamas-speech-text-transc_n_316844.html)

Hormone Hell...

Well, I discussed the Clomid process in some amount of detail. This month was a different regimen of hormones...somewhat more complicated. Since this blog is also about our fertility challenges, I figured I'd give an overview of what this regimen entailed.

We started out with 5 days of pills - Letrozole - pretty much the same concept as Clomid - setting up multiple follicles to produce eggs, rather than just one (which is the norm). In my research on these - one (awfully technical) description said that the use of Letrozole "enhances follicular recruitment". So it's wandering around recruiting the good follicles. I like to think this is like colleges recruiting for football players - wander around, find the really good and talented ones, and then bribe them to participate. :-)

Then we started into 3 days of injections - Follistim - to encourage the eggs to grow big and strong, and to thin out my ovary walls a bit so the eggs can push their way through. Keeping with the football theme, I see this part as training camp - beefing them up so they'll perform well in the big game.

Then, the next day I had my Ovidrel shot. I've done this one before - it jacks up my hormones to stimulate the eggs to push through the wall of the ovary and get out there to greet the swimmers. I've run out of football analogies.

After this, came the insemination. Same deal as always - no excitement there.

Now, a few days after the insemination, I have to do progesterone suppositories. This one is no fun at all. They are basically like little pills filled with what looks like an oil - and they have to be...well people, it's a suppository...administered vaginally...twice a day. This one is to increase my progesterone level to get the egg to attach, assuming the egg and swimmers met up and got along. Apparently, low progesterone levels are a cause of early miscarriage. My progesterone levels usually look fine - but a little boost can't hurt.

All I can say about that step is that we've sunk to a new low. My vagina is now taking drugs too.

My thoughts on all of this - it was a lot to keep up with. Pills then shots, then more shots, then a not so fun follow-up regimen that we are dealing with now. But, as with all of it, it would all be worth it if it worked this time. And, as I do every month that it doesn't work, I'll resent the whole thing and say it was the worst thing ever. :-)

So if there are any infertile folks who end up here while Google-ing their own challenges - it is survivable. It comes with horrible hot flashes, moments of extreme bitchiness - but all survivable. You do what you have to do - and in month 10 of this challenging process, we are still hanging in there. Well, I am. The wife is looking a little battered. Apparently there are moments where I act like I am possessed by some demon and have a fit because the mail was set on my desk in the wrong place. Who? Me? Never...

:-)

And so we wait...again...

I had another insemination on Monday - presumably my last. If this doesn't work - we go off to IVF and we get to start calling it implantation, not insemination. So at least we get to change terminology, after a long 10 months. A change of scenary, I suppose.

So this time, scheduling became a problem, so the wife was not with me. I don't necessarily need hand-holding anymore, but it is just nice when she's there. Of course, if this one works, I'll be considering her my dark cloud and source of all bad luck. And, unlike most folks in the world, I can claim a trump card in that she wasn't even there for the conception. I doubt I'd ever use that one, but it is in my pocket just in case. :-)

And...we wait. I am of course hoping that we succeed this time, but am realistic enough to not get my hopes up. Our eyes are on IVF - we should be getting to the point of having an appointment with the finance folks to see how painful it will be.

In other news, we made our last big appliance purchase before entering into the land of one paycheck. As I've mentioned before, when this baby gets here (and it will, darn it!), the wife will be quitting her job and becoming a stay at home Mom. So, in preparation, we've been replacing all of our old stuff with new, high quality (read as: it had darn well last 20 years because I'm not buying new stuff again) appliances. First it was the fridge, then the TV, then the vacuum cleaner, and finally - the new washer and dryer.

We got a nice set of front-loaders - a huge improvement over the ones that the wife brought into our marriage. They were Kenmore - white - about 10 years old. You had to run the dryer through 3 times in order to get the clothes dry. They looked like they were going to die at any moment. When the appliance guys moved the old ones out, I found a huge puddle on the floor where the old washer was leaking. We got out in the nick of time, it appears.

So, now that the washer and dryer are here, we are moving into our trial run of running our life on my paycheck alone. Until the baby comes, the wife will be building up our savings and getting stuff paid off so we won't have to worry about it. I think this is going to be a tough transition. We've been moving there gradually - but this is going to be like yanking the band-aid off. I guess it'll feel ok in a few minutes, but it's gonna hurt like hell for a bit. :-)