Dear Baby, Part 4...

Well kid, this chapter might be kind of depressing. But the intention of writing these to you was to catalogue the months of my pregnancy, while you grew from an egg, to a bean, to a lime, to a tangerine...and I think you're now a grapefruit. Why do they refer to the progression in size of a fetus in terms of the produce section at the grocery? But anyways...

I sit here in your grandfather's bedroom. You won't get to meet him...you are almost 16 weeks, and he probably has less than a day left. He's dying of cancer...it got him but good. I'm doing my best to keep you safe, and not have my body too disruptive by how entirely evil this whole thing is. I hope you're OK in there...I'm kind of having a rough time out here.

I guess you should know that as of the last year your family medical history has taken a bomb dive. Your grandfather has cancer, had a stroke years back, has bad eyesight, and has a stubborn streak. Your grandmother is just a walking disaster, who is inexplicably still walking. I hope the other side of your DNA is healthier than we are. This was all news to me, kid. When we conceived you, I figured we were a fairly healthy bunch. Truth be told, your genetics are probably fine. Your grandmother has a whole host of issues we won't discuss, and your grandfather thinks the cancer came from Agent Orange in Vietnam. Another reason to be a pacifist and hate war...but I'll brainwash you into my liberal views later in life.

I'm going to do my best to ensure you don't have to go through this...we're trying to eat better, and I was lucky never to have the bad habits of smoking and such that your grandparents had. I'm gonna try to be there for you long into my 80s. As of the moment, my folks are setting the bar around 60. My Dad would have turned 60 in December. I'm going to do my best to be healthy and live to see your kids, which I now hate that he won't be able to do. I'm sure that as you grow up, you'll harp on me about that, as kids seem to do.

Your grandfather was a challenge in my life, and many times a parent that I couldn't deal with. In the last weeks of his life, he recognized his mistakes, and I think I've learned from them. All in all, he was a good person, and I loved him. Despite his faults. He says the same about me. :-)

I hope I'm able to get through this week without causing you distress. I'm trying.

Love,

Your Mommy

Dear Baby, part 3...

Dear Baby,

Well, over the last week you have let me start eating again. I greatly appreciate this. You are still picky, but I'm not minding that so much. One thing that is slightly irritating is that you appear to be trying to make up for lost time, and require food about every 3 hours. You are so cozied up in there, that you don't know the difference between day and night, so I'm up at 3am eating Rice Krispies. But, at least I can eat, so I feel better that you are getting some good nutrients. I was feeling guilty there for a while that I was starving you...the start of what I'm sure will be decades of mom guilt.

So...we start with feedings every three hours now...6 months before your birth. Your Mama says that I should get used to it. My reply was that if we are planning on simulating the first months of your life, I'd wake her up every time I have to get up to eat. She was much nicer after that. :-)

Your Mama has been reading everything she can on keeping you safe. She spent an hour last night listing off all the things we needed, should have, shouldn't have. Sometimes I wonder if the internet has too much information. But, she is getting prepared. Me...I'm just hoping to get through labor. She can be in charge of all that. She'll do a great job.

Your Mama is also dying to finalize a plan for decorating your nursery. You'll find over the years that she has a small addiction to decor. For the most part, it is quite enjoyable. Every so often, something weird shows up...like a little ball on a shelf in the livingroom that is covered in seeds. It looks good, but I can't imagine going into a store and looking at a ball covered in seeds and thinking "fantastic! that's just what I need!". But I digress...

So, she pulled some old wive's tale last night with dangling a ring from a piece of string over my hand. Supposedly it would move in a circle if it was a girl, and back and forth if it was a boy. It went in a circle. Your Mama was rather distressed because she had no idea what she would do with a girl's nursery. Me, I'm waiting for the more scientific method of an ultrasound. That whole thing felt like using a Ouija board to me.

Anyways, we are at 14 weeks, and doing great. I hope you are growing nice and strong in there.

Love,

Your Mommy